shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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