Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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