I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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