i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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