somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
