I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
