I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
