mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mom said you looked used
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
