3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize