Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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