In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
