Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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