Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
