My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In America we eat man semen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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