my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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