We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
