We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
