Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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