so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
