Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
