Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
