At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
