i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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