Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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