My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just invented taco cereal.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize