so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
