Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize