normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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