i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Terrible idea I love it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
