That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
