She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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