You're my little dorito
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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