the condom got lost in my hair
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
