It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
