MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
