never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
