We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
