Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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