I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
