Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
