That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
