you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
