It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
