watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
