I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
