You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
