After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
