I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
