Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
