You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
