I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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