I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
