Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
