I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Enjoy the penises
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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