She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
