Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
