Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
