I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it's like iHOP with fire
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
