i just wanna soil my oats bro
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
