You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
