im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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