Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
soo... how was my night?
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