i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
