If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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